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[easycash]

Following are a few funny answering machine nessages that have been found. Can you add anymore ?

1] A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons
is why we're not here. So leave a message.

2] Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already
sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If
you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me
enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If
you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

3] "Hi. Now you say something."

4] "Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is,
so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep."

5] "Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?"

6] (From Japanese friend) He-lo! This is Sa-to. If you leave
message, I call you soon. If you leave *sexy* message, I
call sooner!

7] "Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his
refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your
message to myself with one of these magnets."

8] "Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of
receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows,
or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to
charity through their office and do not need their picture
taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number
and they will get back to you."

9] "This is not an answering machine -this is a telepathic
thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your
name, your reason for calling and a number where I can
reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."

10] "Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I
don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back,
it's you."

11] "Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone
right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone
until I call you back."

12] "If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home
cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone.
Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us
a message."

13] Please leave a message. However, you have the right to
remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will
be used by us.

14] Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up
the phone right now, because we're doing something we really
enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it
left to right .... real slowly. So leave a message, and when
we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.

[scooo]

Don't hang up i could be here,
just getting older and slower to the phone,
so leave a message,
i may just grab it before you finish, if not
i'll get back to you....

[Moreta61]

Hi, this is Andrew's answering machine. Andrew is most likely here but I am bored so I won't let him answer any calls. Please leave a really nice message after the tone and if I like it I'll let him call you back. If I don't like your message I'll turn it into garble so he won't know who called. Bye now.

[Bedlam]

You dummy! You've called while I'm OUT! Five minutes You've missed me by AT LEAST five minutes. Are you stupid or what? Can't you get anything right? You people make me sick! Leave a message and I'll call you back! BEEP

[bevh50]

G'day I'm probably in the garden but this confounded machine always beats me, so leave your name & number and I will return your call.

[Sharky]

Years ago when I lived in the Darwin suburb of Malak I put

"Malak morgue, you kill 'em we chill 'em"

on my answering machine.lol

[Bedlam]

"Greetings. You've reached Ghengis Kahn's Pornographic Films Unlimited. Fabian, Pat, Rex and Mike are still conducting screen tests with potential leading ladies to star opposite the late John Holmes in our upcoming feature film "It's Not the Size That Counts but Whether or Not You're Alive to Use It." If you're interested in a screen test, or even if you're not, please leave us your name, age, phone number, measurements, cup size, a brief summary of your work experience, both off and on the screen, and a brief summary of your favorite fantasy involving four men, a pair of handcuffs, and a tub of Cool Whip. Thank you for calling."

[angelmay]

b edlam